Somewhat like a real webblog entry

So I’m feelling a little emo right now, warning, so this may in some way resemble normal blogging. Not too much though, you don’t have to go get the paper bag to puke into or anything like that.

I think due to too much time in my own head home alone in the apartment unable to go out hiking or snowboarding due to annoying slushy dumb snow and without any friends, I have been going through a lot of crazy mental stuff. Also I watched that movie Memento which goes backwards and basically has to do with concepts of reality. Reality is such a crazy concept. If you don’t believe that, go watch Waking Life. It’s especially a crazy concept for me because my reality here is so incredibly different than my reality was in Venezuela and both feel like completely different than my reality when I was at home or at Alma. A lot of the time I question whether I am the same person I was then, or whether this is really part of my life or maybe the last 7 months or so are simply a dream and suddenly I will wake up in the closet beneath Robin. I guess that’s what traveling does to people, but it’s getting worse and starting to drive me a little crazy. Hmmmm trying to explain this so it makes sense to those of you who aren’t me, as in all of you.

Ok, so when I was at home or at Alma, Reality was a certain thing. Reality was based on midwestern ideals, feeling fairly secure in my own house, knowing that people care about me, speaking english, hating fudgies and knowing that I am a worthy deserving self-sufficient person even if I sometime hated who I was. Those words aren’t totally what I”m trying to say, but it’s intangible, that’s the best I can do. Now my reality, my sense of what is, is totally different, and it makes me question whether I can possibly be the same person as I was in college. Here I am stuck, wishing on one hand to go home and slip back into the comfortable, the world which made sense and in which I felt that my future as a happy successful person was secure, but on the other hand curious and knowing I need to be here now where I am experiencing this new Reality and discovering some of what it is to be Californian.

Well, that’s my crazy, webblogish emo spewing of all my emotions and “feelings’. On the possitive side, I went with some friends to a skate park the other weekend and went a little on some of the ramps and stuff and I’m almost getting it, still just the rediculously simple stuff but it is SUCH a high and I”m getting better and I love it. And anyone with facebook, there’s a few pictures of my dreadlocks and I plan to load some more as soon as I figure out what’s goin gon with my camara.